I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
