the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
