Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
