How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
