There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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