You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
