DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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