hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
