Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
