Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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