I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
