Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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