Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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