2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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