im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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