if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
