I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
