the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
