I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
