i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
