just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm really busy with my period
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