I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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