sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
