So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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