I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
