good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
