Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
