I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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