I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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