Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm getting married
To pizza
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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