i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
