Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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