took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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