I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
