Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
