Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
