so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
