watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
