When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
