I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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