Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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