Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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