We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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