Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
