I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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