note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
