roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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