You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
