Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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