marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
40s are totally the cure
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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