Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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