Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this boner is exhausting
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
