I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
