I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
