I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
