Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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