now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
