I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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