I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
