Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
