God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
