i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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