I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
