Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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